Games
by perplexic
Summary: “Er… That is… you two are always having us play the “Which one’s Hikaru?” game, but I’ve never heard of you using the “Which one’s Kaoru?” game.” Warnings: Pseudo-AU, Cursing, Light Twincest
1. Part I: Trauma

Games

-oOo-

(Part I: Trauma)

"Eeh?" Hikaru looked at their charge queerly.

The customer blushed. "Er… That is… you two are always having us play the "Which one's Hikaru?" game, but I've never heard of you using the "Which one's Kaoru?" game."

"Hnn…" For the first time in the history of the Host club, the elder twin put on a pensive face. "We played that game too much when we were younger. I don't like it."

Kaoru gave his hand a warning squeeze, prompting him to get back into character, but before he could recover, their customers had already moved on to other questions.

By the time they went to bed that night, Hikaru had already shoved the memories that question brought up back into the furthest part of his mind. He had never liked hanging on to the past. It hurt too much.

And by the end of that week, the excitement of getting a new member would drown out any residual ache that was left.

_Have you noticed Hikaru? How large our world's become? I'm loosing myself in it. Too weak to step forward. Too late to step back. I keep waiting. Waiting for you to notice. Waiting for you to __**care**__. Waiting…_

_Can you see her now Hikaru? Or perhaps the question is can you __**not**__ see her now? Have you noticed how you can't seem to see anything else? Anyone else? Do you see it now? What she means to you. How she's affecting us. How she's killing me? What she means…_

_You've protected me all these years. I'm more grateful than you'll ever know. You never needed me. Maybe you never even wanted me. But you were chained. Tethered by your promise. You always hated people who broke their promises. You never broke yours…_

_So I'll be happy for you. I'll help you. I'm stronger now. I can stand on my own; even if it hurts to smile and watch you walk away. You always did everything in your power to make me happy. Now it's my turn…_

_I'm doing the right thing now, right? Hikaru? I'll be alright. Really. _

_**Really**__…_

* * *

"Hey Kaoru, everyone's getting together at Haruhi's, we're going to drag her to a commoner's festival!"

"Oh, really? Have fun then!" He turned to face Hikaru when he didn't respond.

"What do you mean 'Have fun'? You're not coming?"

"Nah, I have some math work that I need to look over, I don't quite get it."

"Why didn't you say so? I'll help you."

"Don't be silly Hikaru, I just need to look over my notes is all, it's nothing big. Plus you're going to be late if you don't hurry up!"

"Aw crap! Tono's going to have a fit!" He ran around frantically trying to find his cell phone. "Just don't have too much fun without me studying or whatever, alright?"

"Perish the thought!"

"Good, see ya!"

Kaoru watched as his brother jumped into their limo and disappeared.

_Typical. You just can't depend on him anymore._

_No, that's ridiculous. He's just finally opening up. I'm happy for him…_

After a lapse of attention, Kaoru found himself walking through noisy streets, not really caring how or why he was there. It had happened before. He'd swear he had just been in second period when out of nowhere he was in the Host Club and Hikaru was cooing ridiculous things into his ear. It caught him off guard the first couple of times, but after a while, he just got used to it, figuring it was all just pointless things he couldn't even be bothered to remember.

_That's right, it's not important anyways._

_I just wish I remembered how I got here._

He sighed, doing everything in his power not to notice the dreamy looks and squeals girls were directing at him.

It was good for him though. Considering that there wasn't, in fact, any math work he needed to look over, it was probably better that he was at the very least out and about instead of moping around at home. Really, he was a host after all, it would be most unbefitting of him to be so unsociable.

"Hey kid!!" Kaoru turned around to see an unfamiliar man with his arm in a sling. "Yeah, you! You look strong, could you help me a second?"

"S-sure…" Not even giving a thought to the fact that he didn't even begin to resemble anything even vaguely strong, he followed the guy down an alley, figuring it wouldn't kill him to help him out.

_What are you doing? You don't know this guy. You're a lost, weak looking teenager wearing designer __**everything**__. This guy's probably going to rob you blind! Forget that you don't even have anything of value on you, you're a perfect target!!_

_But… but what if he really __**does**__ just need a hand? His arm was broken after all. It can't be __**that**__ bad._

Before he could attempt to assure himself further, he felt a hand grab a hold of his shirt and he was flung against the alley wall. Suddenly he found himself face to face with a very **large** man and a very **sharp** knife.

"What a goody-two-shoes. Your money or your life kid."

_SHIT._

_What did I tell you?!_

_Damn it, where's Hikaru when I need him!_

_I told you that you couldn't depend on him!_

_You expect me to fight off a guy with a knife, by __**myself**__?!_

_You're not by yourself!_

_NO! I don't want to resort to that again! _

Kaoru felt a fist connect with his eye and he was knocked into the wall. "Come on! Where's the money?!"

_Ah… it hurts… it __**hurts**__… oh god, where's Hikaru?!_

_Just give it up! He doesn't give a shit about you anymore! I can help you!_

_I promised… I __**promised**__ him!_

_So what?! He broke his promise a long time ago!_

_But… but…_

Another hit landed and he started tasting blood.

_Come on! This guy is going to __**kill**__ you if you don't do __**something**__!_

_Hikaru… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… _

The thug frowned. The kid was just sitting there, taking blows and looking like he was about to cry. Spoiled rich brat.

"Are you stupid or what!? I said…" He stopped, perplexed by the sudden grin that broke against this kid's face. The malicious undertone was rather unsettling.

"What the hell is your problem ki—"

He never managed to finish the sentence.

* * *

"Kaoru! Kaoru! There you are! Where have you been?! It almost midnight!!" Hikaru sprinted out into the darkness to meet his brother, but was surprised when his twin walked right past him. Shaking it off, he followed him inside. He still wouldn't stop and look at him. "Kaoru! Where **were** you?!"

His brother shrugged indifferently. "Out."

"Out **where**?"

"Dunno, just out."

"What happened to studying math?!"

"I finished."

Hikaru felt his irritation rising. They had gotten into the house, but his twin didn't even hint at possibly of waiting for him.

He caught up with his brother, grabbing his shoulder to turn him around. "Kaoru, would you **please** wait u— OH MY GOD!! KAORU! You… your…"

Hikaru's stomach churned. There was a prominent, dark ring framing his left eye, and dried blood smeared at the edge of his mouth and splattered across his cheek.

"Are you alright?! Who did this to you?!" He couldn't help but raise his voice. "WHO DID IT? I'LL KILL THEM. I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL—"

"Cool it Hikaru. It just some thug or something." He pulled his shoulder away from Hikaru's grasp. "Hope they got to a doctor alright. They seemed to be loosing quite a bit of blood." He added unaffectedly.

"What's up with you Kaoru? Usually just the sight of blood gives you nightmares for weeks."

"So I got over it. Why should you care?"

"'Why should I care?' Why **wouldn't **I care?!"

"Oh, come on Hikaru! I'm not a fucking 5 year old anymore! I can take care of myself!" Hikaru hated how much bigger his brother seemed all of a sudden. "Don't you have anything better to worry about?"

"L-like what?! Hey! Wait a second! Where are you going?!"

"My room."

"Why?!"

"I dunno, maybe **sleep**? Just maybe?"

"Kaoru you never sleep in your room!"

"Well, starting now I will."

Hikaru had little patience left for his brother's new found attitude. "Kaoru why the hell are you being so cold to me?! What the hell did I **do**?!"

"Tch. How typical. You really don't get it do you? You probably don't even remember."

"Remember what?!"

"Exactly."

"Kaoru! Why are you—"

"GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING DENSE! Even after all these years!"

"Wha—" Hikaru was essentially shut up when his brother's hand found a tight grip around his neck, pushing him against the wall.

"Certainly! **Certainly**, you remember Kaoru's _**shadow**_?" Two golden eyes glinted menacingly.

"H-his—" He managed to pry his hand away just enough to gasp a few breaths

"—shadow. Yes. His shadow who absolutely **hates your guts**."

_NO! Stop it! STOP HURTING HIM!_

"Tch." The hand receded and found the doorknob to Kaoru's room. "Be thankful he still has a soft spot for you."

Hikaru couldn't find the strength to move from the wall.

"I knew it was just a fluke when you won the 'Which one's Kaoru?' game." The door shut and the silence flooded his senses.

"N-… No… NO! KAORU! YOU PROMISED!" He punched the door as if it would somehow remedy the situation. "You promised…"

* * *

"KAORU!!"

Your throat is raw.

"KAORUUUU!!"

You're sure it's been hours.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!"

It was just hide and seek.

"KAORU!?"

You can hardly see through the rain.

"KAORU PLEASE I GIVE UP!! JUST COME OUT!!"

He's afraid of thunder.

"KAORU!!"

And lightning.

"KAORUUUU!!"

And the dark.

"KAORU!!"

You're shaking.

"KAORUUUU!!"

But it's not from rain or cold.

"KAORUUU!!"

You can't help but hate yourself.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!"

You were the one who wanted to play.

"KAORUUUUU!!"

You promised that you'd find him.

"YOUNG MASTER! RETURN INSIDE THIS INSTANT!!"

The servants are chasing you. You pay them no mind.

"KAORU!!"

Something grabs your wrist.

"Young master, please don't worry, we're all looking for your brother! We'll find him for you!"

Stupid maid.

"KAORU!!"

You try to pull away from the maid, but continue irregardless.

"KAO—"

"What?"

You turn to your right to see a very soaked butler leading a rather unaffected Kaoru.

"Kaoru!!"

Your arms are around him faster than even the lightning could boast.

"Geez Hikaru what are you freaking out about?"

He seems cold on many different levels.

"It's just rain you know."

He pulls away from you without so much as even hinting some form of comfort and goes inside.

Though by no move of your own, you get inside just in time to hear your mother praising Kaoru for being "such a big, brave boy".

For the rest of the night Kaoru does everything in his power to avoid you. Later, when you're both firmly tucked in bed, he moves away from you when you try to hug him and apologize.

You scoot over and try again.

He moves again.

This repeats itself until Kaoru rolls off the bed and walks around to the other side.

"Stop that." You say finally, sitting up to look at him.

"No." You frown.

"Why?"

"I hate you."

Your stomach churns.

"Who are you?" You ask flatly.

He frowns at you questioningly.

"My brother could never hate me. So who are you?"

"…not Kaoru."

"Well duh, but what's your name?"

"I don't have one."

"Shadow then."

"Huh?"

"Your name will be Shadow."

"Why?"

You shrug.

"…Fine."

"Where's Kaoru?"

He points at himself.

"No, Kaoru, not Shadow."

"He's in here."

"In your head?"

"Yeah."

"So bring him out."

"No."

"Why?" You can't help the pout that surfaces.

"He's still too scared to come out."

"That's dumb."

He shrugs.

"When is he going to stop being a sissy?"

"Dunno."

The aforementioned pout becomes quite comfortable on your face.

During day, everything is the same, no one suspects a thing. A grudging Shadow and you stick together, pull pranks, and mess around. To anyone except you, everything was perfectly in order.

But in the cover of darkness, you would spend hours trying to harass Shadow into forcing Kaoru from his cowardice.

And by the end of the second night, you're sick of his company.

"COME ON!!"

"No."

"Just make him come out if you have to!"

"I can't do that."

You decide that pouting on the edge of the bed is the proper reaction to this response.

He "tch"-es at you and turns to go to bed.

"Hey Shadow?" You turn suddenly.

"What?"

"Can he hear what we're saying? Like, what I'm saying?"

"Probably."

You grab the front of his pajamas so that you're face to face.

"KAORU!? Can you hear me in there?! Come out here right now! I'm sick of putting up with _him_!"

No response.

"You don't have to be scared anymore!! I'll protect you from **everything **I promise!"

"Stop yelling Hikaru."

"Please, Kaoru I miss you!!"

"Hikaru, I sai—"

"Shut up Shadow!"

The way your twin flinches and looks ready to cry silences you.

Shadow shoves you away, any sign of distress replaced by rage. "STUPID! THAT _WAS _KAORU!!"

The churning feeling returns. "That was… he… what?"

"You obviously don't miss him _THAT_ much if you can't even tell who's who!"

"No! I really—"

"SHUT UP! WHY SHOULD HE TRUST YOU?!"

"Because I'm his brother! I—"

"GO DIE!! I HATE YOU!!"

Shadow is out the door without another word.

You look for him, but find neither hide nor hair. The rest of the night passes without sleep. Only regret.

The next morning you find out that your brother had sought solstice in your parent's room. Your mother is so overjoyed that 5 years after giving birth to you, one of her precious sons finally gave her a chance to act like a mother. She doesn't even think to inquire why Kaoru hadn't sought comfort from you instead.

And the charade continues.

Shadow is ruthless. Kaoru is finally starting to poke his head out from behind Shadow's back. Shadow's hatred and anger only grows as you continue not noticing or accidentally yelling at Kaoru.

From some twisted sense of spite, Shadow declares it the "Which one's Kaoru?" game.

He challenges you at random points throughout the week.

You lose.

"So Hikaru, which one do you think I am?"

"Y-you're Shadow."

"Wrong! That was Kaoru idiot!"

Without fail.

"Which one am I?"

"You're Kaoru!"

"Wrong again!"

Every time.

"What do you think Hikaru?"

"Shadow."

"That was Kaoru again!"

But out of sheer luck, you notice a trend. Putting everything on that one glimmer of hope, you decide to end it.

"Kaoru! Shadow!"

"What? It's almost midnight Hikaru!"

"Let's stop this once and for all!" His posture shifts as he eyes you.

"I already told you. You can't 'stop this' until you can tell who's who."

"Exactly. If I get it right, then Kaoru comes back for good and Shadow never returns."

Your brother frowns. "And if you lose?"

You pause thoughtfully. You hadn't thought of that.

"I'll leave you alone for a day!"

"Try the rest of our lives."

"NO! I'm not risking that!"

"Fine, no game."

"Please!"

"No."

"One week!" You managed to say. The thought of leaving your brother's side for any period of time makes your chest hurt awkwardly, but you're desperate.

"……Fine." He leaps out of your bed and walks to the door. "I'll come back in after one minute."

He shuts the door behind him as the clock strikes 12:08.

Time seems to grind to a halt and 60 ticks of a second hand seem to stretch into eons.

Just as you prepare to dart out the door and find your brother yourself, you hear the door squeak open.

"So, who am I Hikaru?"

"You're Kaoru." You hear yourself say despite the trembling of every inch of your body.

Kaoru goes still. "You… how…?"

"I got it!!"

Before Kaoru can react further you jump up and drag him into bed with you. He can do little more than avoid your eyes, looking ashamed. Only once you pull him into your arms do you realize how cold everything seems compared to him.

"Hikaru…"

"Mmm?"

"Did you mean it?" He looks up at you tearfully. "Did you mean what you said? About protec—"

"Yes."

"Eve—"

"Every word."

"**Really.**" You answer before he can even open his mouth to ask. The smile he gives you makes you feel warm. "But!"

"But?"

"Only if you keep your end of the bargain!"

"Of course!" He replies indignantly, taking offense that you would think him the type to go back on his word.

"Good."


	2. Part II: Psychosis

Part II: Psychosis

-oOo-

His nostalgic dream was concluded with a sharp crack to the back of his head.

"Pathetic."

Hikaru's eyes shot open just in time to register his brother's form disappearing down the hallway.

"Ah! Wait, wait!" He sat bolt upwards, instinctively clutching the back of his head.

He was alone again.

Sighing, he examined his hand, finding no trace of blood at the very least, so he wasn't seriously injured. His head throbbed argumentatively. It probably didn't help that he had spent the night sleeping propped up against Kaoru's door. He hadn't wanted nor expected to fall asleep without his brother nearby.

He stood up, dizziness almost overtaking him for a moment, and headed down to the dining room, where he hoped he would find his brother. By some form of divine providence, he found him there alone, thankfully, and eating breakfast. He attempted to retain his composure as he sat down next to him.

He tried to decide how he would start, but the silence got to him quickly and he burst out with the first thing that came to mind. "Why?"

"I can't tell you that."

Hikaru pouted nostalgically and tried another route.

"If I win again will you go away?"

He didn't like the way his brother sneered. "Sure."

The fact that he hadn't brought up what would happen if he lost made him nervous.

"So…" His twin turned to him, pulling his knees to his chest and hugging them, in a way that was almost unsettlingly _cute_. "Who am I Hikaru?"

The frown he had been wearing seemed to melt away. "You're Kaoru."

Hikaru probably would have smiled too if a fist hadn't collided with the top of his head.

"WRONG."

"Ow! What the hell was tha— WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WRONG.'?"

"You got it wrong." He repeated, walking away.

"Bu—"

"But what?" The grin he was flashing over his shoulder did nothing to quell Hikaru's temper.

"Shadow never says my name! Only Kaoru does!"

"Tch." Before he could properly discern what was happening, Shadow was looming over him, his hand cradling Hikaru's chin in a way that was terrifyingly reminiscent of his own actions during their Host Club act. "It's been quite a few years since we last met Hikaru, and despite what I've seen so far you've no doubt wizened at least a _little_ bit. What makes you think I haven't done the same?"

Shadow pulled away leaving Hikaru dumbstruck from their former proximity. "I mean think about it. I hate you even more now than I did then, so why would I give you that sort of advantage? My disgust of you may have kept me from saying it before, but my desire to see you suffer compels me to do it now."

Hikaru grimaced. Even if it technically wasn't Kaoru, those words still stung. _A LOT._ Kaoru had never even really gotten _mad_ at him before, so suddenly being the object of such venomous statements was quite unsettling.

"Oh and Hikaru…" Shadow was looking back at him from the doorway. "Between you and me, I go by Id now."

The door clicked shut with a sense of finality.

He had lost.

* * *

All things considered, it had been an odd morning.

The first had to do with her dad, a box of raspberries, 1 fish, a packet of ketchup, 3 pillows, two golf balls, and a lot of cleaning yet to be done.

Haruhi didn't want to think about that anymore.

The second was Tamaki loudly declaring how much he would enjoy seeing Haruhi in a particularly frilly looking dress in front of half the population of the school. The boys stared, the girls swooned, and Kyouya dragged Tamaki away before he could blow her secret (if he hadn't already).

The third was walking right into the middle of yet another Haninozuka greeting match and having to be carried out of harm's way by Mori. Apparently Hani thought it would be fun to visit Yasuchika. However, shortly after the conclusion with Hani as the victor, he was dragged away by Satoshi, garnering heavy discipline for disrespecting his elder brother's good will.

The fourth was being tackled by Kaoru in the middle of the hallway. This in itself would not be a surprise had Hikaru been with him.

Gracing her with an enigmatic smile, Kaoru had said that Hikaru had been being slow that morning, so he left without him.

That was surprise number five.

By the time they reached their homeroom and she managed to pry him off of her shoulders she got a good look at the sixth odd occurrence, in the form of a sickly looking dark ring under his eye.

"Kaoru, what happened to your eye?"

"I got in a fight with so street thugs, nothing big!"

She stopped counting.

"Waaa! Kaoru-kun, Kaoru-kun, that's so amazing!"

"We're you hurt?"

"Did Hikaru-kun get hurt, too?"

Haruhi backed off, figuring she'd probably not get anything useful from the conversation with their female classmates gushing like that.

It was surprising though, because Kaoru, from her experience in the very least, was not a fighter. He was a negotiator, a smooth talker, using an innocent, sincere demeanor and a cool, seductive tone to achieve his ends. He was the one to soothe frazzled teachers and calm even the most irate adults and free the invincible Hitachiin duo from most any chastisement they incurred.

_How did this happen anyways? Considering his family and upbringing, there was no way that he would be anywhere near where he could encounter street thugs. Didn't Hikaru say that he didn't come with us to the festival because he had to study? And what about __**him**__? Did they get into a __**real**__ fight this time? That's the only way I could see Kaoru leaving without Hikaru. Or are they planning something? Ugh my head._

Haruhi said a silent thank you to a nameless deity when out of the corner of her eye she saw Hikaru sit down in his seat. Perhaps now she could finally get some sort of explanation for all this. That and she enjoyed the fact that she really didn't have to be on her toes around him, since he was so transparent with his intentions.

"Hey Hikaru, what's up with Kao— Geez! What happened to _you_!?"

"Eh?" He looked up at her tiredly. He had dark rings of an entirely different sort under his eyes, his hair was a mess, and his posture was uncharacteristically… defeated?

"Er… That is to say… Are you ok?"

"S'nothin'" He managed to garble out before his head connected to his desk again.

"Did Kaoru get mad that you went to the festival without him?"

She heard a brief mumble that sounded suspiciously like "I wish."

"Ah Hikaru! You're finally here!" Kaoru descended from nowhere in particular and caught his brother in a headlock and mussed his hair. "You were taking so long I was afraid I'd be late unless I left without you!"

Haruhi swore she saw Hikaru _glare _at him, but attributed it to her less than normal morning.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep very well."

"Oh, that's too bad." Kaoru ruffled his hair again and walked away without any of their normal displays of exaggerated concern.

Kaoru sat down and continued chatting.

Hikaru looked after him disappointedly.

Haruhi said a silent prayer for her sanity.

Hikaru's eyes opened blearily, slowly taking note of the fact that the classroom was now empty, and his brother was leaving.

"Wait, Kaoru…" He kept walking.

"Shadow!" A glare.

_No, that's not right…_ "Id!"

He sighs and looks back.

"I have no desire to talk with you."

"Where's Haruhi?"

"Tch." He sneers like he just proved something. "She hurried off to the nurse's office as soon as the bell rang, muttering something about 'crazy rich bastards' and 'after her sanity'."

He left before anymore words could be exchanged.

_Damn it… now what?_

He groaned into his desk. He had been hoping to talk to her about all this. She was smart and probably could have helped a lot. He had never had anyone he could get advice from before, and this was probably a good time as any to try it.

He considered, for only a brief moment, seeking the counsel of the other host club members, but quickly opted against it.

Tamaki would no doubt make a dramatic speech on how his karma for all the horrible things he's done to the king over the years was finally catching up to him, while skillfully avoiding saying anything helpful.

Kyouya would find some way to turn a profit from it. Definitely.

Hani would probably offer him cake or usa-chan.

Mori probably wouldn't say anything.

He didn't dare consider what Renge might say.

Haruhi was really the only one he could count on for sound advice.

"Ugh, what now?" He said to no one in particular. "Haruhi's missing in action and I don't think there's any way that I'd be able to stand eating with _him_, regardless of if he'd even let me."

* * *

The silence was splendid in a way that was only understood by those who were personally acquainted with the Host Club, given that they were still sane enough to appreciate it.

Haruhi stared up at the intricately carved tiles on the ceiling, pondering the fact that despite being a "cheap infirmary bed", the mattress she was lying on was at least five times as comfortable (and expensive) than the futon she slept on every night.

"Damn rich bastards…"

She wasn't entirely sure she was ready for whatever else the Host Club had in store for her today. Ibuprofen could only do so much. So in an attempt to prepare herself for the worst, she imagined the last thing that she'd ever expect from each host.

Tamaki-senpai would not coddle, glomp, or otherwise invade her personal space, and actually respect her discomfort in their cosplays.

Kyouya-senpai would drop her debt out the nonexistent goodness of his heart.

Hani-senpai would be calm, mature, and whole heartedly refuse cake and/or sweets.

Mori-senpai would talk. A lot.

In a way, Kaoru had already exceeded his quota for weirdness.

Hikaru…

She snorted wryly. "Next thing you know, Hikaru will be acknowledging his problems and willingly asking people for help!"

She was about to burst into a fit of laughter when the door slammed open. She did everything in her power to ignore the sudden sinking feeling in her stomach when she spotted Hikaru, looking troubled.

"Haruhi, there you are! I have a problem and I need your advice!"

"FUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! JESUS CHRIST IT'S LIKE THE GOD DAMNED TWILIGHT ZONE!! OR S—"

Hikaru blinked at her a couple of times,

"—OME KIND OF SICK JOKE, OR FUCKED UP DR—"

got a glass,

"—EAM! SHIT!! MAYBE YOU FILTHY RICH BAST—"

filled it with water,

"—ARDS FINALLY DID IT!! FUCK!! I'VE CAUGHT THE CRAZY! IT'S ALL IN MY HEA—"

and threw it on Haruhi's face.

"…"

"…"

"Thanks… Hikaru."

"Anytime."

"…"

"…"

"I-… I've had a bit of an odd day."

"It shows."

"…"

"…"

"So…"

"…"

"You needed help with something?"

"Oh! Er… yeah… kinda…"

"Fujioka-san?" The nurse appeared through the inconspicuously open door, and they both flinched at the intrusion. "Are you alright? I heard some… er… yelling…"

"Ah… um… yes! Yes, I'm fine."

"Wonderful, feel free to call me if you require anything!" She said, turning.

"Th-thank you."

"Ah, and there are some towels in the closet if you should happen to need them." She added as casually as she could manage before pulling the door shut.

"So, you were saying, Hika—" She would have continued had a towel not been shoved in her face.

"I'll tell you about it later" He said opening the door.

She suppressed a twitch. "That's surprisingly considerate of you Hikaru."

He chuckled a bit. "Heaven forbid! I just don't want to talk about it when anyone could just waltz in and interrupt or eavesdrop! I _am_ the evil twin after all." Adding mock pride to the last sentence.

"Thanks."

His eyes softened a bit. "Anytime."

Haruhi watched as he pulled the door shut again, laid back, sighed, and in spite of herself, smiled just a bit.

"Yep, I definitely caught the crazy."

* * *

Hikaru smiled a bit as he walked to the library. He had handled that quite well in his opinion. He had actually respected the fact that Haruhi had not been having a good day and had not forced her to listen to him. Kaoru would be proud of him.

His stomach churned and he silently cursed himself for having such a one track mind. Or maybe it was because it was still lunch hour and he hadn't eaten yet. Or both.

He pushed through the grand doors of the 2nd Library and sat down at one of the computers. He still had 45 minutes left, with was plenty of time to do some research. The memories that had resurfaced in his dreams had been so well forgotten that he hadn't even considered the fact that it wasn't healthy for his brother to be two different people at the same time. He had heard of something like that before, they used it a lot in movies and cliché story plots. He looked at the screen in front of him.

**Dissociative identity disorder** (**DID**) is a controversial diagnosis described in the DSM IV, as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss which is beyond normal forgetfulness. This memory loss is often referred to as losing time or amnesia. The symptoms must occur independently from substance abuse or a general medical condition in order to be diagnosed.

He swore that he could probably look up and _see_ the information flying over his head. He sighed and scanned further down, looking through various articles and descriptions. "Multiple Personality Disorder", "Schizophrenia", "Psychopathology", all of it made his head spin. He grumbled and closed all the windows that had accumulated and left the library, attempting to piece all of it together.

Apparently, that night in the storm had been so traumatizing for his brother, that it had forced him to develop a second personality to shield him from the experience. Hence Id. That was so extreme though. His brother had always been sensitive, but he hadn't though it was _that_ bad. Come to think of it, nowadays, Kaoru was better at dealing with things than _he_ was.

He frowned, sitting down on a bench near one of the fountains. All that psychological mumbo jumbo had sounded vaguely familiar. _Kaoru was reading something like that once…_

It had been back in middle school, around the time when Tamaki was still trying to harass them into joining the soon to be Host Club. _What was it called again?_

He sank back into the bench trying to remember.

_Stupid alarm…_

Hikaru shifted a bit, trying to find his pillow.

_Why did I get an alarm that sounds so much like the dismissal bell for school?_

He pushed on the unyielding wood of his bed, trying to sit up.

_Wait…_

_I __**don't**__ have an alarm that sounds like the dismissal bell, my bed is __**not**__ made of wood, and I'm __**already**__ sitting up._

"FUCK!" His eyes shoot open, immediately looking to the clock tower. It was indeed, past the time that he should be arriving at the Host Club, meaning that he had slept through all of the rest of his classes.

He sprinted all the way to the 3rd Music Room, barreling recklessly through the door.

"Sorry… I'm late… fell asleep… outside…" He gasped out, panting between breaths. He looked up and was met with expectant and concerned stares from the hosts and their customers. He blinked. "Wh-what?"

Haruhi stepped forward cautiously, as if treading through a minefield. "Hikaru… was this what you had wanted to talk to me about?"

Something in his chest tightened as he realized that his brother wasn't there. "What?"

Haruhi looked tentatively back at the rest of the hosts. "Kaoru… he… He just resigned from the Host Club."

He gritted his teeth subconsciously.

_Id._

"God damn him…"

He turned crossly back through the door, making no move to explain his twin's behavior. The sound of the door opening and closing once more floated past him.

"Hikaru, wait up! Hikaru!"

He stopped, but didn't turn to face Haruhi.

"What's going on with you two?"

He bit his lip pensively. "He hates me."

"What makes you think that?"

"He told me himself!"

"That doesn't seem like him."

"No, REALLY?"

"What exactly made him mad at you?"

"HELL IF I KNOW!" He chided himself and leaned against a wall, hiding his face behind his hand. _This isn't her fault. I shouldn't be taking this out on her. _

"You should apologize then."

"How will that help? He barely even looks at me. Much less listens!"

"He did this morning."

"Because he's damn good actor."

Haruhi sighed audibly. "Listen Hikaru, you of all people should know that Kaoru isn't an unreasonable person. If you make an effort he'll listen."

He smiled in spite of his foul mood. "Yeah, Kaoru would."

"So then why didn't you seem to think so just a minute ago?"

"No, that… never mind, it's nothing. Thanks for your advice." He said, standing and walking away.

"Hikaru!"

"What?"

"Do your best to patch things up with him. You always seem so… depressed when he's not around.

"Hey!" She was back through the door before he could protest further.

_I'm not freaking depressed! I'm just tired from last night… and uncomfortable because I'm used to him being here. That's all!_

He stormed down the hall, doing his best to fight down the blush.

_Now, where could he be?_

* * *

"Id!"

Id looked up idly from the book he was reading. Hikaru was surprised he had been found so easily. He was right in Kaoru's room.

"Damn, I knew I should have locked the door."

"Kaoru let me talk to you. Please. I-I want to apologize."

"Tch. It's a bit late for that, don't you think?"

"I-is it?"

Id raises an eyebrow at him. "You don't even know what you're apologizing for, do you?"

Hikaru blushed a bit. "Please Kaoru. I really want to make this up to you! Whatever it was that started this and for being slow enough not to know what it is!"

"I feel as though I should tell you that he can't hear you."

He blinked dumbly for a moment. "What?"

"He can't hear you anymore. Not unless I want him to. And I hate you far too much to do something that nice."

"How—"

"His dependence on you isn't as strong as it used to be. My ire far overpowers it."

Hikaru clenched his fists. He hadn't wanted to use it, but the smug look adorning his twin's face made him so irrational.

"Dissociative Identity Disorder!"

A grin cracked on his brother's face. "Hnn…?"

"That's all you are! You're just a product of trauma from that one night! A bit of therapy is all it takes to get rid of you!"

"Tch. How naïve. I'm not like some demon you can exercise with magical talismans and incantations. And even if I were, the second you bring some quack in to 'reconcile repressed emotions' I can turn it right back around on you!"

He sits up in bed and strikes a dramatic pose, a hand to his forehead, the very picture of clichéd distress.

"Oh no! I was just trying to open up to people and make new friends! I can't help it if that means Hikaru can't have my full devotion anymore. It's not healthy to be that close! He took it so badly though. He's always been so possessive! I'm afraid he might be in denial because he can't stand the thought of me spending time with other people! But I would have never thought that he would make something like that up about me! Please Doctor, you have to help him!"

"There's no way they'd buy that!"

"Oh, but they would! That's all it would take and they'd be all over you! Between two unhealthily codependent twins, whose side would you take? The one that tries to keep them together? Or the one that's trying to open up and become independent?"

Hikaru couldn't bring himself to respond. Id was right.

His brother walked up right in front of him, and despite being the same height, seemed to look down on him.

"You people and your mental illnesses. Pin all the names on me that you want, I'm still here! Have you ever considered that maybe _you're_ the mentally ill one? That this is all some elaborate fantasy you've concocted to shield yourself from the fact that Kaoru doesn't need _or_ want you anymore?"

"I'm not—!"

"—delusional? How would you know? For all you know you could be arguing with an empty room! This could all be in your head."

And with that, Id shoved Hikaru over and slammed the door in his face. He was locked out again.


	3. Part III: Delusional Disorder

Part III: Delusional Disorder

-oOo-

"Hey Mom! Where are our medical records?" She was hunched over a sewing machine, so in to her newest creation that she didn't risk turning around and breaking her concentration.

"Oh Kaoru! You want to look at those again? They're in my office, bottom drawer of the desk. I haven't moved them since the last time you asked!"

_He was looking at them too? _"Alright thanks!" He left before his mother could inquire his reasons for seeing them.

_Damn him. He's always one step ahead of me. _He turned into his mother's office, poking around until he found the described drawer, pulling out two files, one labeled _Hitachiin, Hikaru_ and the other _Hitachiin, Kaoru_. He scoffed. _I'm surprised they even bothered to give us separate files._

He flipped through both, staring down similarly mind-boggling words as he had been confronted with all day. He paused when he got to Kaoru's birth record and scanned over it.

"Ugh! What is this supposed to _mean_?!" He looked down scornfully at the opened records. "Damn doctors and their fancy medical speak."

_Wait… medical… I wonder… _He took out his cell phone, scrolling through numbers until he found the one he was looking for, staring menacingly at it for a few seconds.

_Kyouya Ootori. _

He groaned and pushed the call button. _Damn it! Only for you Kaoru. Only for you._

He didn't _hate_ Kyouya per say. During the Host Club they got along as well as could be expected, but he always hated talking to him one on one. It could have been the smugness, the superiority complex, that creepy thing he did with his glasses, but mostly because the more he talked to him, the more convinced he was that Kyouya really _did_ know everything. And that was just a touch unsettling.

He heard the click of someone picking up. "Hikaru. This is… _unexpected_." He resisted the urge to hang up right then. _For Kaoru…_

"Err… yeah, I know… but… your family is into the medical business… right?"

"Indeed."

"Well… I needed some help… reading some medical-y stuff… and—"

"What does it say?"

"…"

"Hikaru?"

"…"

"I see, you can't even pronounce half the words on there, can you?"

"Shut up."

"Now, now, no need to get so defensive."

"Will you help me or not?"

"To the point as always… Can you fax it to me?"

"Ah… sure… hang on…"

A few minutes later, Hikaru could hear the paper rustling on the other side of the line.

"So?"

"Don't you think you're being a tad rash Hikaru?"

"Wha—"

"Just because Kaoru is acting a bit differently doesn't mean he's mentally ill."

Hikaru shivered. "How did you know—?!"

"I have my sources." He could _hear _him sneering.

"What does it say?"

"I imagine you're parents have mentioned that you two were born prematurely."

"Er... yeah… I think they might have mentioned it…"

"Basically it says that due to that, some parts of you brother's brain were slightly underdeveloped at birth, and though he responded well to treatments, there was a small possibility of mental instability."

"So that's why you suspected that I was looking it possible mental illness."

"Well, that and when I passed you in the halls during lunch period, you were muttering something about 'Dissociative Identity Disorder', 'Amnesia', and 'Id'. Anything you'd care to enlighten me about?"

Hikaru was suddenly overwhelmed with relief that Kyouya was not in fact psychic. "No. It's none of your business."

"Oh but it is. While the initial curiosity of your brother suddenly resigning may increase your designations, the interest will die quickly and profits will go down significantly."

"Oh right. The club."

"Of course the club. I don't have the capacity to think outside of profit margins and numbers."

Hikaru couldn't tell if he was being serious or if this was Kyouya's pathetic attempt at a joke.

"Irregardless, I wouldn't have thought you would have pursued the Freudian view of it."

"Freudian?"

"Yes. Sigmund Freud. The psychiatrist. The unconscious mind, the ego, super ego, and id? It's pretty common knowledge."

"Really?"

"Though if you have an interest in it you might wish to pursue more Jungian trains of thought. They tend to be a bit easier to swallow. However, the basis is similar."

"Jungian?"

"Carl Jung." Kyouya sighed audibly. "Listen, if you're that interested search for it online. No offence meant, but I unfortunately do not have the time to nurture your budding interest in psychology."

"Er… yeah, I will… thanks…"

"Your welcome." He heard a click and tossed away the phone.

Hikaru collapsed back on the floor, and immediately wished he hadn't. His head still ached from that morning. Today was a day of miracles. He had managed to be polite to Haruhi, do research outside of school, and had actually maintained a civilized conversation with _Kyouya_.

_I think I finally understand why I hate talking with Kyouya. He's exactly like Id. All he needs to do is start "tch"-ing at me and they're practically identical._ Hikaru is suddenly overcome with the image of Id and Kyouya joining forces and taking over the world.

He would have laughed if it weren't so believable.

_Carl Jung… Carl Jung… Wait… That was the guy who wrote that book Kaoru was reading! What was it called? I could probably find it._

He raced down the halls, back to Kaoru's room. He remembered that his brother kept all of his books there, in the bookshelf on the back wall. _I hope Id's not there._

Coming to a stop in front of the doorway, he peeked inside. Too his surprise, it was empty. The only sign of life a small lamp glowing from the far side of Kaoru's bed. The door was almost completely open, beckoning for him to enter.

He moved inside cautiously and headed directly for the bookshelf, scanning the numerous titles that resided there.

"Tch. You're so predictable it almost hurts." Hikaru spun around violently in shock. The door suddenly swung closed and Id stepped out from behind it, grinning smugly. "Looking for this?"

Low and behold, in his hands was _ego & unconscious by C.G. Jung_.

Id sighed as he walked forward. "Really now Hikaru, this is quite disappointing. Here I was thinking that after all this time, I might finally have a fun game to play." He stood looking down on him again.

"**You** however," Hikaru could hear the distaste in his voice. "are proving to be quite a disappointing challenger." The book was shoved roughly into his chest. "Here, try and make this a bit more interesting for me, 'kay?"

Before Hikaru could form anything coherent to say Id had opened the door and disappeared into the dark halls.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAGH!" Hikaru threw the book towards the far wall, pouting a bit as it fell lamely to the floor instead of making a satisfying dent in the drywall. He slumped back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling.

The book had told him _nothing_.

No, that was wrong; the book told him nothing_ that he hadn't already known._

It did, however, at the very least, confirm what he had inferred thus far. _The development of alternate personalities is a coping mechanism to deal with some form of unwanted trauma._

He still couldn't fathom it. Yes, Kaoru had always been a little sensitive, even taking into account the possibility of mental instability, but it just couldn't have been all it would have taken to cause that sort of a reaction.

It would be so much easier if he could just _talk_ to Kaoru about it. He should have done it when he had the chance, but denial had been just too tempting of an option at the time, and now Id was most likely set on never letting him see Kaoru again.

A wave of sick realization hit him and he swallowed thickly trying not to throw up.

_Never to see Kaoru again._

"Master Hikaru, is everything alright?" He flinched, startled out of his reverie by the chorusing voices of the twin maids.

For the moment he could only weakly acknowledge their presence, the thought of never seeing Kaoru again still to pressing too heavily on his mind.

"That is to say…" One started hesitantly.

"…we heard a rather loud…" The other continued equally so before pausing.

"…_noise_." They finished, hinting at the frustrated yell that Hikaru had graced anyone within a 5 mile radius with.

"…j-just a nightmare…" He managed to stammer out. _I wish…_

"Oh, how unfortunate."

"Would you like us to fetch Master Kaoru for you?"

"Yes… please." He heard himself say.

"Right away!" They chimed, shutting the door softly behind them as they left.

He didn't know what possessed him to do it. It's not like Kaoru would magically come back just because the maids asked him to. Id would though. He'd waltz in like he was the master of the universe, talking down to Hikaru as if he was a tragically stupid animal.

Stupid freaking trauma. Stupid freaking Id. He wished he could traumatize _him_ back into whatever insidious corner he came from.

Hikaru squinted his eyes trying to process that last thought.

That wouldn't really work…

…would it?

Of course not… it wouldn't— _couldn't_ be that easy… it was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.

But hell if he'd try.

How could he really go about traumatizing _Id_ though?What could possibly scar such cruel demon?

_Well duh._

He chided himself for not realizing it instantaneously. But it would have to be _drastic_.

_Very _drastic.

_That drastic._

There was an unexplainable burning on his cheeks when he thought about what he was about to do, that to be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to identify.

"Tch. A bit of a sympathy whore now aren't we?" Hikaru looked up to see the person in question. "Just a little scare and all of a sudden anyone's pity is fine. That's pathetic even by _your_ standards."

He slowly approached Hikaru's bed, a hand teetering precariously on his hip, and Hikaru couldn't help but remember all those times they'd ripped apart the hearts of any girl who dared confess to one of them.

He wasn't even registering the venom that dripped from Id's words as he realized that he was within arms length now. He swallowed nervously, bracing for what was to come.

Ignoring the way Id was sneering at him, he grabbed him by his shirt, pulled him down, and kissed him full on the lips.

His brother's hand came to rest on his shoulder from the momentum of his pulling, and he acknowledged for a split second that it was not nearly as awkward or repulsive as it should have been, kissing his brother and all. His body temperature felt jumped by at least 10 degrees, despite the cold sweat that covered his skin, and the most bizarre ache was clinching in his stomach. But he didn't get a chance to ponder it further, as the same hand shoved him brutally against the backboard of his bed.

He watched as his twin scrambled back, cradling his head in his hands as if trying to deny what just occurred. His brother's body seemed to loosen as one hand dropped down to his lap, revealing a single dazed, amber eye looking up at him.

"Hi—…" The voice was trembling. "Hi… ka… Hikaru?"

He moved closer without thinking. _So fragile looking… _

"Y—…" Kaoru started weakly.

_It couldn't be…_

"You…"

_Is it really?_

"You…"

He reached out his hand, just a fraction of an inch from Kaoru's cheek. So close that he could feel the warmth emanating from his skin.

Before his hand touched him, his brother's gaze sharpened and he felt a fierce blow to his left eye.

"YOU INCESTUOUS FREAK!! DON'T YOU EVER _DARE _TOUCH ME AGAIN!!"

Hikaru clutched the offended area and heard the door to his room slam shut as Id ran away.

"Damn… that went badly…but…" _I got to see him. I got to see Kaoru again. _

It was at this moment that he noticed his supreme discomfort in how he was sitting; only wondering about it for a brief moment before realizing that _that_ was _**definitely**_ not the right reaction to kissing your twin brother.

After calming himself down, in many senses of the word, he headed downstairs to get some ice for his eye, which was aching dully at him.

But despite his situation, he smiled, because now…

…he knew how to get the upper hand.

* * *

_That did __**not **__just happen. He… That freak… he… he… he kissed me! That was disgusting! That was repulsive! That was—_

—_perfect._

_Something beautiful that I had only dreamed about before, something I've wanted so badly, for so long. Something that I will never—_

—_let happen again!_

_Of all the ridiculous, sickening things he could have done! I can't believe this! I hope to god that—_

—_maybe one day he'll kiss me again._

_That maybe he'll return my feelings. Love me the way I love him. Promise himself to me as I have to him. I'll do anything! I'll—_

—_kill the bastard! I'll rip out his stomach! I'll strangle him with his own intestines and laugh at his slow and torturous death! I'll make him wish he was never born!_

Id punched the wall and regained his composure, leaving the dent for the maids to deal with.

_That_, by no stretch of the imagination, had been within his predictions. To think that the idiot would go that far was unbelievable_. Damn him! Had he planned that?_

Slamming and hastily locking the door to his room behind him, Id only bothered to kick off his slippers and take off his shirt before burying himself under the covers of his bed to try and regain calm thought.

His grip was slipping. He could feel the hope rising in the other, even after he had so painstakingly destroyed every last shred of it. He could not allow the other, no, _Kaoru_ to escape. He waited too long for this chance, watching as his other half had blindly followed Hikaru, waiting like a lovesick puppy for any chance to gain his attention or approval. There was no way that bastard deserved that kind of devotion. He would give Hikaru no chance to disappoint him once again.


	4. Part IV: Therapy

Part IV: Therapy

-oOo-

Hikaru tiptoed through the hallways, painstakingly aware of how his agonizingly slow pace did nothing to quell the subtle creaking of the wood floor or the inherent paranoia that came with sneaking around at night.

Id's reaction to the... _plan_ that Hikaru had come up with had been rather inspiring, and he silently hoped that maybe he could get some sort of a similar reaction, though without having to… take such drastic measures. Hence the sneaking.

He only acknowledged very weakly that it was really all rationalization to be near his brother again. That… that… well he didn't really know what to call it, because if he even mentally said _kiss_ then he was immediately bombarded with thoughts of _other_ things one should never do to one's brother, which caused him a very, very _specific_ sort of discomfort and –

Oh, damn, there it was again.

He leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the hallway window for a moment, thinking of everything disgusting and not the least bit arousing. And after convincing his stomach that it wasn't a good idea to go spilling its contents onto the shiny tile flooring from imagining Mori-senpai in a miniskirt, his problem was solved and he moved to confront the door to Kaoru's room.

As expected it was locked, and he was suddenly very glad that he had learned to pick all the locks in the house that one summer when he was bored. Cautious of the quiet clicking of the opening door, he crept inside and smiled fondly, because his brother was curled up and buried in the many sheets and blankets, like he always did if, by some act of god, Hikaru was up before him. Careful not to wake his sleeping twin, he crawled into the bed, gently embracing his brother's waist, and mentally prepared himself for the bodily harm that was guaranteed when Id would find him in bed with him the following morning. But he found himself decidedly more concerned with gushing as soon as Kaoru made a quiet whimpering sound and nuzzled into his chest.

"… no…" Hikaru flinched at the sound and pulled back just enough to catch the grimace that graced his brother's face.

"…no… not scared… no…no, no, _NO!!_" He felt Kaoru's arms tighten around his waist. His heart broke at his twin's unconscious suffering, and tried running his hand through his brother's hair comfortingly, though not enough to wake him.

"… mmno, no, I dun— mnm" Hikaru's eyes widened. _I don't…? He doesn't what?_ Kaoru's quiets sobs brought back his attention.

"…'ll find me…" He felt hot tears running down his chest and subconsciously held Kaoru closer. _That night. Kaoru is reliving that night…_ He wasn't sure how he knew, but he was absolutely positive.

"… _no…NO… NO!!_" Hikaru became painfully aware, in more senses then one, of nails clawing and digging into his back.

"…little longer… he'll find me… why… he's… not here… why… doesn't care…" He couldn't take this anymore.

"No," Hikaru whispered quietly into his baby brother's ear. "You're wrong; I was looking so hard for you. I'll always care. I'm right here… please…"

Kaoru only seemed to grow more restless, clinging more tightly, scratching harder. "… no… no… I won't—! I don't want to!! I DON'T WANT TO HATE HIKARU!!"

Hikaru's blood ran cold as Kaoru sobbed hysterically.

"…he's all I have…" His brother cried weakly.

The last piece of the puzzle had fell into place. Hikaru had his plan. And most of all…

He understood.

Shortly after achieving a dazed sort of consciousness, Id took over and promptly buried himself further into his pillow. After all, split personality or not, he enjoyed sleeping in just as much as the next guy. Especially since today, his bed was content in being much more comfy than usual. The sheets seemed warmer and softer, and his pillow was even warmer, despite the odd, but rather soothing, breathing motions it was making.

_Odd mostly because pillows don't __**breathe**_.

And so, that morning, the Hitachiin household woke that morning to high pitched, girly screaming.

Hikaru Hitachiin in particular woke up to high pitched, girly screaming, a swift kick to the gut, and numerous pillows, books, lamps, and miscellaneous flying objects targeted in his general direction.

"YOU FREAK! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT!!"

"Aww, come on Kaoru—" He ducked quickly out of the way of a flying copy of _The Complete Works of William Shakespeare._ "—don't be like that!"

"I SAID GET OUT!!"

"Alright, alright, sheesh." Hikaru had hoped to get the confrontation done with that morning, but it would seem his twin was not in the mood to chat.

_Oh well, at least I got out unscathed. _He was immediately hit in the back of the head by _Legends of Greek Mythology_, in the exact same place he had hit his head the previous day, and heard the sharp slamming of Kaoru's door.

"OW! FUCK YOU CRAZY BASTARD, THAT HURT!!"

The last thing he heard was a muffled "Good!" before he headed to his room to get ready for school. After dressing and washing up, he was greeted by his smiling, but obviously uneasy mother.

"Good morning Kaoru!"

"Hikaru." He pouted slightly, though he really should have stopped caring a long time ago. "Good Morning."

"Oh of course! Listen Hikaru, I don't know how I should say this, but I've heard some odd… rumors."

"Eh?"

"Well, you see, some of the maids have informed me that you and your brother seem to be… fighting."

"Sort of… is that a problem?" He shifted uncomfortably

She eyed him wearily. "No, it's just… strange. Like someone kidnapped my boys away and replaced them with completely different people. I've never even heard of you _disagreeing_ with each other before. Are you sick or something? Or maybe Kaoru…?"

Hikaru had to suppress a laugh. His mother looked genuinely concerned, and to anyone that didn't know them personally it would have seemed absurd.

"We're at odds with each other at the moment, but it should be resolved soon."

"Are you sure—?"

"Yes mom, I'm sure, and no, your sons were not kidnapped away by aliens and replaced, nor sick, nor anything of the like." He droned almost mockingly.

She smiled weakly at this. "I suppose I'll take your word for it. But do patch things up soon, things seem so much less lively around here with you two sulking."

"FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME, I'M NOT DEPRESSED!!"

His mother grinned impishly. "Oh dear, but I never said anything about being depressed!" She chuckled a bit at her son's exasperation. "But really, if either of y—"

"If either of you ever need comfort, advice, or a shoulder to cry on, mommy will always be there with a kiss and a band-aid to make it ALL better. Can I _please_ go eat now?"

She let out a soft half-chuckle, half sigh, smiling wryly at her son. "All right, all right. Have a good day at school."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Oh wait! One more thing dear."

"Now what!?"

"How rude, talking to your own mother like that." She teased with a mock pout, but quickly turned serious. "I got a call from the school saying that you were skipping classes yesterday."

"…oh right… I kinda fell asleep outside… I hadn't really slept well… so yeah…"

"Because of your brother?"

"…yeah… sort of…"

She sighed defeatedly. "Really, what am I going to do with the two of you? …Well, I'll let it go this time, but don't let it happen again, do you hear me?"

"Yes mother…"

"Ok, you can go eat now." She snickered.

He hummed in affirmation, continuing to the kitchen and grabbing an English muffin with jam, and rushing to the car, only to find that once again, his brother had left without him.

"Kaoru, you horrible brother, you left me again!" Hikaru said, drawing as much attention as he could as he pulled his yet unaware brother to his chest.

Despite suddenly tensing against him, "Kaoru" seemed unfazed. "Sorry, sorry! I was afraid we'd be late again!"

"Oh, but Kaoru-kun, you got here rather early today."

"I know, traffic was surprisingly light today."

Hikaru once again acknowledged how good his brother was at lying, only half paying attention as the conversation took less interesting turns, pointedly ignoring Kaoru's elbow digging into his stomach, trying to get him to let go without drawing attention to the action. He figured he wanted to stay as in character as possible so people wouldn't get suspicious, and needless to say, pushing Hikaru away would be about as strange as he could get.

Hikaru, in the meantime, was waiting for a cue.

"Kaoru-kun! I heard that you quit the Host Club! Is it true? Is it really true!?" One of their fangirls piped up as soon as there was a gap in the conversation.

"Yes, I regret to inform you that it is. I felt like it was time for me to pursue other things."

"Oh no! What will become of the 'Forbidden Brotherly Love'!?"

"Such a tragedy!"

"Does this mean you'll quit too Hikaru-kun?"

That was his opening.

"Hmm… who knows. After all, if I do, then that means I'd have another 2 hours in the day to spend with Kaoru… _all alone._" He said while suggestively breathing the last part into his brother's ear.

"Ah… Hikaru…" His twin turned and pushed against his chest. "Not here… don't say those things…"

The girls squealed and turned away, gushing rabidly amongst themselves. Apparently none had caught the thinly veiled disgust hiding under his twin's submissive face.

Id decided to take advantage of their absence.

"Just what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" He cursed under his breath.

"Nothing, just doting on my favorite brother of course. Is there something so wrong about that, Kaoru?"

"That's Id to you, freak." He snarled, slipping discreetly from Hikaru's grip.

Hikaru just smirked and returned to his seat as the teacher came in.

He didn't like that smirk.

Not one bit.

* * *

Hikaru chuckled to himself from inside the empty classroom, twirling a remote with a red button in the center.

They had set and planned the entire thing incase of an "emergency". ("Emergency" read "dire boredom" in their case.) But never, _ever_, in a million years would either of them have guessed it would end up being used for something like this.

He also had to admit that knowing Kyouya had its perks. One of which being the knowledge that despite having a state of the art security system and cameras, they were hardly ever checked, and most of all knowing where its weaknesses were.

It just so happened that the two had rigged on of the unmonitored fire alarms to go off at the push of a convenient red button.

At 1:27 pm on the dot, he pushed the button. This, to any other person would be a completely arbitrary occurrence. To him, however, this was the exact time that the math teacher for his, Kaoru, and Haruhi's class would be getting into the thick of his lesson, and his brother into the thick of his own musings, far from a potentially wary state of mind. _He_ as far as everyone knew, just happened to be in the bathroom at the time.

And so he waited in an unmonitored classroom that was conveniently en route of the evacuation area for the school, and when he heard the last of his class just walking past the door (because the two of them always lagged behind), he jumped out and dragged his unsuspecting brother inside.

Frankly he considered it a miracle that he was able to keep his hand over his twin's mouth long enough for the rest of the class to be out of earshot.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FREAK!?"

"SHH! Not so loud or a teacher might hear you!"

"SO LET THEM! I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU GET CHEWED OUT FOR THIS!!"

"They'll automatically assume that it's as much your doing as mine, you know."

Id's offensive posture dropped and he huffed irritably, scowling and moving to sit on a nearby desk. "So what exactly _did _you drag me in here for?"

"We need to talk."

"Tch. Talk all you want, it won't change a thing."

"I beg to differ, Kaoru."

"Why the hell do you keep calling me that!? It's Id retard! I'm not your brother."

"That was my mistake the first time. You're still my brother, my twin, no matter what you call yourself, and no matter how you act or feel!" Id's scowl wavered before the turned away.

"Tch. There's no use arguing with an idiot. Brother or not, it doesn't change the fact that I hate your guts."

"And you have every right to. Just as much as anyone else!" Hikaru had managed to keep his calm façade on so far, but he could feel it slipping.

"Wha—?"

"You don't have to pretend anymore Kaoru! You're allowed to hate me! You're allowed to feel anger, resentment, bitterness, and disappointment when I've let you down or hurt you!"

"…….."

"That's why you've never so much as even frowned at me before, right?!"

"…shut up…"

"You push all those negative emotions into him so that you don't have to feel them! Because you're terrified of having to separate, right?!"

"…shut _up…_"

"Please Kaoru, you don't need to do this for my sake! I want my brother back! Resentment and all!"

Without warning he lunged forward and gripped Hikaru's neck, knocking him into the wall. "I SAID SHUT UP!!"

His twin's eyes were shaking, face twisted in some mix of furry and terror, hands held half-heartedly to his neck, seeming unsure whether to choke him or hug him.

"H-he—! I—! …we—NO! I just—! …just… J-just s-stop it… …stop it! …pl-please just shut up Hikaru… you-you're… you're ruining everything! It wasn't supposed to be this way!" Kaoru choked out between sobs, collapsing so they both slid to the ground.

"…Kaoru…"

He suddenly reeled back, wincing is if the name stung him, trying to get away, but Hikaru managed to grab his arm and pull him back to his chest in a secure embrace.

"Kaoru, what do you mean 'It wasn't supposed to be this way?'"

Kaoru trembled against him murmuring under his breath.

"Kaoru," Hikaru repeated, tilting his brother's chin upwards to he would look at him. "tell me, _please_."

"Y-you…"

"I…?" He repeated, nuzzling into Kaoru's neck affectionately. He didn't miss the whimper his twin let out, nor the moisture that slipped onto his cheek. It only served to tighten his grip.

"You… you were supposed to go to her…"

"Her?"

"…Haruhi."

Hikaru startled. "H-Haruhi!?"

Kaoru nodded weakly.

"Why would I—!?"

"…because you love her…"

"Wha—?!"

"YOU LOVE HER!! DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT!"

Hikaru's vice like hold faltered for a moment from shock, and Kaoru took the opportunity to push him away, and slowly began retreating to the door.

"You really, really love her… but… you won't… it's like you refuse to _see_ it!"

"Kaoru…"

"I… I don't want to hold you back anymore… but you can't seem to let go… so… so… I thought… that maybe… maybe if you hated me… then you could finally move on!"

"Kaoru I could never—!"

"I don't want to be the reason you never find happiness Hikaru! … so just—!"

"Then why do you keep doing this?!"

"…what?" Kaoru suddenly stopped his slow backward steps towards the exit.

"DID YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE HAPPY IF YOU JUST ABANDONED ME LIKE THAT?!" Hikaru snapped, jumping up from the ground.

Kaoru couldn't seem to find his voice to reply.

"I swear, you're so smart, but you can just be so _stupid_ sometimes. _Of course_ I love Haruhi, she's our _friend_. She can even tell us apart!" He gave fighting the blush, and continued despite how awkward it was to talk about. "But I love _all_ of our friends, they've accepted us, as twisted as we are, so why _wouldn't _I?"

"But you—!"

"But I still love you more." Their eyes met silently and any doubt was removed from their minds.

No more words were spoken as they moved towards each other.

No sounds were made as Kaoru's arms slid around Hikaru's neck.

No breaths were taken as Hikaru's hands rested on Kaoru's back.

No loving vows were needed as their mouths inched forward and—

"Well it's nice to see that you two made up." Came a deadpanned voice from the doorway.

They shrieked and clung to each other like drowning men, gaping at the intruder.

"Ha-Ha-Haruhi!?" Hikaru stuttered trying to grasp the situation.

"What are you doing here!?" Kaoru asked embarrassedly, trying to hide himself behind his brother's shoulder.

"Well during the fire drill, I had though it might be a good time to get some reading done, so I went back for a second to get my book. But as I was catching up with the rest of the class, I saw you drag Kaoru in here."

"Oh…"

"Normally I would have made you two go with me, but I was hoping that he was making some attempt to make up with you Kaoru. Though god only knows why you needed to do it during a _fire drill_."

"Well…"

"Don't be too hard on him Haruhi." Kaoru interrupted. "This is really my fault, I'll make sure to apologize later."

She smiled at him. "It's good to hear you're taking responsibility for it, but I'm just glad you two are happy again. In any case, let's get back to class before the teacher gets suspicious."

"Awwww, but Haruhi!!" They whined simultaneously.

"No 'but's!"


End file.
